The Dangers of the Need to Belong

To borrow some lines from the movie "The Enchantment," when someone asks the character who plays Jesus that if God is a good God and He is in control, why are there so many terrible things happening?  Jesus answers him to the effect that, "We live in a fractured world."  He explains that nothing is in the original state He created as first intended in the Garden of Eden because of sin and man's free will to choose a life apart from God.  Men loved darkness rather than light.  Where man wants to blame God for the state of the world, God looks at man and the terrible choices he/she has made to bring such sorrow and destruction.  Without considering and honoring and choosing God, our world is literally falling apart. 

Nowhere is this truer than in relationships.  In today's world of self-seeking, loneliness abounds.  Marriages split and families are fragmented.  In school some kids are singled out and treated badly or bullied by other kids because he/she are different.  This can happen later in life as well, in college or in the workplace.  We are all born with the need to belong, to feel that we matter and that our life counts for something.  We each need to feel important to at least one other person.  We need to feel valued.  When this need does not get met either at home, in school, the workplace, or even in our local church, we can become so vulnerable that we make unwise choices. 

Specifically, I'd like to talk about the dangers of what can happen when we are repeatedly rejected and continue to find that no matter where we go or what we do, we simply do not feel accepted for who we are or valued for what we do and in some cases, for what we believe in.  Younger people will typically do everything possible to blend in with their peers at school.  But when their peers still reject them, they sometimes turn to gangs or start hanging out with the wrong crowd and get attention by getting into all sorts of illegal trouble like drugs, drinking and all the destruction that goes with that.  Why do they do this?  Likely because they are joining a group that feels exactly the same as they do - rejected by their peers or family and so they lash out.  

In the church, when people start to feel rejected and that they don't really fit in or perhaps do not fit into a popular clique that has formed, they can quit going there, or worse yet, get drawn into or begin another fellowship with like-minded embittered believers.  But the problem is, if they have perhaps left a church and not dealt with the underlying problems there, they are bringing with them unresolved issues that can and will affect everything that happens in the new split-off group.   They may try and forget about it, but it will rear its ugly head again and again until it is properly and scripturally dealt with.  Healing will not be possible without attempting to resolve the issues in a right and Biblical way. 

Sometimes church members when they leave a church will get drawn into a cult.  They don't intentionally do this because they don't realize that their new group is a cult.   What does a cult look like?  What are some characteristics of a cult?  After doing some research I found the following, and also added my own based on past experience with cults.  One or more may apply: 

1.   You may feel uneasy, but you're not sure why

2.  Leadership discourages you from offering a difference of opinion and you are not free to question something they may have said, or what they are teaching

3.  They make you feel warmly welcome, but may not want certain others to attend that might threaten the premise of the group

 4.  They may talk about Christian love, but show preferential treatment to only those who are in agreement with their doctrines and beliefs

5.  They make it very clear that other denominations, groups, individuals are to be shunned and avoided altogether because they might soil the pure teaching of the group and try to lead it in a direction they don't want to go

 6.  They seem to be paranoid of the outside world and its evil influences

7.  They point out perceived errors of others and fail to admit their own

8.  If they are putting others down, you sense a self-righteous pride rather than a Christ-like attitude of humility and acceptance of others (this may be hidden under a guise of religious mumbo-jumbo)

9.  If they feel you have scripturally erred, they are not able to correct you with gentleness or meekness or give you Scriptures in the right context to try and point you to the Scriptural truth about it

10.  There is a forced sense of unity and not a freedom of the Holy Spirit where all are accepted and welcome to fellowship together, faults and all. 

The nature of cults most often stem from bitterness and disappointment, and unresolved hurts.  If these are not dealt with, we will see a bitter root that defiles and blocks the work of the Holy Spirit. 

Heb 12:15    Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled; 

Eph 4:31    Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:

Eph 4:32    And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

Notice in verse 31, "evil speaking."  To run other people down, or other Christian groups or evangelists who may not exactly speak the same Christian language that we do, isn't that considered evil speaking?  What if we are wrongfully judging and doing more damage to their ministry which may be completely legitimate, by our harsh and condemning words?  Biblical protocol is to go to that person (or research that ministry) directly and find out the truth of the matter. 

Mat 18:15    Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. 

Then we are to humbly offer how we can help correct them and only do so as The Lord specifically guides and directs us to.  To do anything less will hold us accountable for our own words.  This is what Jesus said: 

Mat 12:36    But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.

Mat 12:37    For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned. 

We must be very careful what we say and the attitude of our heart in which it is said.  Look at these verses: 

Psa 12:1    To the chief Musician upon Sheminith, A Psalm of David. Help, LORD; for the godly man ceaseth; for the faithful fail from among the children of men.

Psa 12:2    They speak vanity every one with his neighbour: with flattering lips and with a double heart do they speak.

Psa 12:3    The LORD shall cut off all flattering lips, and the tongue that speaketh proud things:

Psa 12:4    Who have said, With our tongue will we prevail; our lips are our own: who is lord over us?

Psa 12:5    For the oppression of the poor, for the sighing of the needy, now will I arise, saith the LORD; I will set him in safety from him that puffeth at him. 

Every time we judge another and run someone else down, are we not like the ungodly, proudly lording it over others by the attitude in which we speak?  Beware when others run down a Christian fellowship or another Christian group and they cannot even accurately, Biblically, and humbly back up their claims.  Beware if they do this and then try and explain why their own group is superior to all the others and do not once use Scripture.  If you follow such a group, this is the blind leading the blind. 

Jesus said we will know them by their fruits:

Mat 7:15    Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.

Mat 7:16    Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?

Mat 7:17    Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.

Mat 7:18    A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.

Mat 7:19    Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.

Mat 7:20    Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them. 

Notice in verse 15, false prophets appear good, but inwardly they are bent to destruction.  You do not want to be involved with such a deceitful group or person because they can destroy your life.  What would be considered evil fruit?  It is rotten, it stinks, it is useless, and it leads you astray.  It works like a cancer and will destroy everything that is good in your life.  If you feel even a hint of evil fruit, walk away as fast as you can and have nothing more to do with that group.  Good fruit produces more good fruit.  It builds up, it edifies, it draws you into fellowship with God and other believers; it produces positive and life-giving fruit.  It is never confusing or divisive.   

Jas 3:12    Can the fig tree, my brethren, bear olive berries? either a vine, figs? so can no fountain both yield salt water and fresh.

Jas 3:13    Who is a wise man and endued with knowledge among you? let him shew out of a good conversation his works with meekness of wisdom.

Jas 3:14    But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not, and lie not against the truth.

Jas 3:15    This wisdom descendeth not from above, but is earthly, sensual, devilish.

Jas 3:16    For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.

Jas 3:17    But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.

Jas 3:18    And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace. 

Notice verse 17 and 18 - good fruits are pure, peaceable, gentle, easy to take, full of mercy and good fruits, not preferential, not hypocritical.  Fruits of righteousness are sown when people choose to make peace.   

We all desire and have a need to belong, but we must choose prayerfully and carefully where we hang our hat.  If you find yourself in a group that you suspect may be the makings of a cult or is a cult, search your own heart and ask yourself why you are really there.  Pray and ask God for peace about what direction you should take from here.  Ask Him to search your heart and make things right with Him first.  Ask Him if you need to make things right with any individual who may have caused you undue pain and heartache.  Offer forgiveness and ask others and God to forgive you.  Fellowship with the Father is not possible if we have bitterness towards one another.  It will do nothing to further the Kingdom of God or restore fellowship with one another.   No group on earth can fill the deep need we all have to belong and feel loved.  Only God can do that, and then He leads us from there.   

I realize this is a lot to digest and you may need to re-read it. I pray fervently that today if you feel you are too involved  in a group that you are not sure about, do everything you possibly can to ensure you are where you are meant to be, and let the peace of God direct you from there.